Nope, we’re not talking about putting your penis in your lady’s arsehole. We’re talking about stimulating your arsehole. If you’re like many straight guys, your interest in this article just plummeted. Lots of straight men are turned off by the idea of anal play (to be fair, many bi and gay men are too), and as a result are missing out on a whole world of fun. Today we’re here to convince you that it’s time to stop ignoring your arse.
Illustration by Tara Jacoby.
Why You, the Straight Guy, Should Consider Anal Play
Because it feels good! End of paragraph.
Seriously though, your anus and rectum are full of nerve endings, just like your penis. Your rectum is also home to your prostate gland, another pleasure center. In fact, you can have an orgasm from stimulation of the prostate gland alone — something a lot of straight men don’t know. Anal play feels great on its own, and can lead to unbelievably intense orgasms.
Plus, it’s a little taboo, which makes it exciting. Even though anal for guys shouldn’t be taboo, it is, and exploring the taboo can add a naughty intensity to your sex life. There are a number of different ways to play with your anus (which we’ll get to shortly), and it’s exciting to venture into uncharted territory.
But Does It Mean You’re Gay?
No. It’s a shame that so many guys still operate under the caveman-like mentality that “butt = gay”. Listen, guys, your sexual identity is defined by the gender of people you’re attracted to, not by the parts of your body that you play with. Lots of bi and gay men enjoy oral sex. Does enjoying oral sex “make you gay” too? Of course not.
The simple fact of the matter is that there are nerve endings in your anus. It feels good to have stimulation there. But the only way anal play defines your sexuality is if you want another guy to stimulate your anus and you choose to identify yourself as gay.
The Grundle: The Gateway Drug
If the idea of going straight for your anus is too intimidating to you, you can experiment with your grundle first. The grundle, taint, or otherwise known by it’s fancier name, the perineum, is the strip of skin between your testicles and your anus. Stimulating it will give you a little hint of what anal play can feel like. It responds well to firm pressure, so try using your middle finger to give it a massage while you masturbate. You can also ask your lady to massage the area with her knuckle while she gives you a handjob or blowjob.
Get Your Partner Involved
It’s worth exploring your anus on your own first. Check out our article on beginners butt play for some tips. Even if you don’t love your experience with solo anal play, it’s worth asking a partner to take a trip to your anus. Anal play can feel a lot better when someone else is performing the deed. If you feel nervous asking your lady to put her finger in your butt, send her this article and say something like, “I’d never thought of doing this before, but this article makes it seem like something worth trying. Are you game?” She’s entitled to her own sexual boundaries, so she may say no. But a good sexual partner should at least be respectful of your requests. If she makes any mocking or derogatory comments, she’s not a keeper.
If she’s willing to give it a shot, get yourself cleaned up and ready to go. Have her start giving you a handjob or blowjob. Make sure you’re aroused before venturing into backdoor territory. When you tell her you’re ready, have her start with touching her lubed-up fingertip to your arsehole. She should keep her finger there and continue her other activities. If it’s feeling good to you, ask her to push her finger in up to the first knuckle. Have her push in slowly, hold her finger there for a second, then slowly ease it back out. She should continue at this pace for a few rounds. If you’re into it, you can ask her to go in further, to pick up her pace, or to do both.
Keep communicating about what feels best for you. From there, enjoy the ride and congratulate yourself for being evolved enough to experience the joys of anal play!
This is the third in a multi-part series from Lifehacker about anal play. You can see the other posts in the series as they come out here.