Does the world need another Police Academy movie? Unless you hate cinema and life in general, the answer is an emphatic “no”. Unfortunately, this hasn’t stopped Hollywood from forging ahead with a reboot to this risible 1980s “comedy” series starring the equally risible Steve Guttenberg. Here are five reboots currently in pre-production that we really wish didn’t exist.
Photo: Warner Bros.
Despite spanning seven feature-length films and a TV series, we can’t think of a single joke from Police Academy that was even remotely funny. (If you remember laughing at Michael Winslow — AKA “the man of 10,000 noises” — you were probably under ten at the time. Same goes for Bobcat Goldthwait.) We’d hoped that the woeful box-office performance of Police Academy: Mission to Moscow has finally killed the franchise for good, but it’s looking increasingly likely that this crime against comedy will soon be back on patrol. Just shoot us now.
According to the Hollywood rumour mill, Disney is priming another installment of Indiana Jones which it recently acquired during the purchase of Lucasfilm. Depending on who you believe, the next movie will either be Indiana Jones 5 or a reboot starring a completely different actor (Bradley Cooper has been frequently mentioned as a likely candidate). We think both ideas are terrible. The fourth movie clearly proved that Harrison Ford is far too old for these shenanigans — watching him puff about in his 80s would just be embarrassing. On the other hand, placing somebody younger in the same iconic hat would just feel wrong. This is a franchise that should have stayed in the ’80s.
Ivan Reitman and Dan Aykroyd have been trying to get a new Ghostbusters movie off the ground for years, despite an almost complete lack of interest from original star Bill Murray. Now that Harold Ramis has passed away, it seems that a reboot is the only option left. We really wish they wouldn’t bother. The second movie already proved that it’s impossible to capture lightning in the same bottle twice — ushering in a new generation of paranormal investigators is unlikely to bring anything fresh to the table.
When in doubt, raid the bloated corpse of an ’80s movie franchise. That seems to be the latest mantra from Hollywood, which is itching to produce followups to both The Goonies and Gremlins. In the case of The Goonies, original director Richard Donner is attached to the project and the original cast is also expected to return in some capacity (it’s not like any of them have much to do these days; including The Lord of The Ring‘s Sean Austin.) Other than receiving a much-needed pay cheque, we can’t imagine this being a good idea for anyone involved.
The Gremlins reboot sounds even worse — apparently, original director Joe Dante isn’t even in negotiations and you can bet most of the puppeteering will be replaced with souless CGI. This whole project needs to be avoided like a gremlin in water.
More so than any other movie on this list, The Crow was very much a product of its time — the grunge-filled soundtrack, angst-ridden hero and relentlessly humorless tone all scream “early 90s”. We simply can’t see this one translating to modern audiences at all. Some things need to stay in the era that they were spawned in.
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