OK, if you don’t think our Evil Week suggestions so far have been nasty enough, or you just don’t like the increasing prominence of Halloween in Australia, this will appeal. Instead of handing out lollies to costumed kiddies, prepare a letter for the fatter specimens to give to their parents explaining what terrible human beings they are.
That’s exactly the strategy adopted by one US woman who was happy to talk about the strategy to her local radio station. You won’t be able to use the exact text of the letter (given it uses the US-centric expression “candy”), but the sentiment is easily replicated. Don’t blame us if your house is repeatedly egged as a result.
This Woman Plans To Give Fat Kids Mean Letters Instead Of Halloween Candy [Business Insider]
This post is part of our Evil Week series at Lifehacker, where we look at the dark side of getting things done. Knowing evil means knowing how to beat it, so you can use your sinister powers for good. Want more? Check out our evil week tag page.
Comments
10 responses to “Give Fat Kids Abusive Notes For Halloween Instead Of Lollies”
Yeah I guess you could do this if you are an evil asshole. They’re kids
… it’s Evil Week
Candy is an Americanism that I can happily abide., I use ‘candy’ for hard confectionary and ‘lollies’ for softer stuff (gummy bears, milk bottles, etc.) But then, when it comes to sugary treats, I’m like Canada with its 30 words for snow. They’re a big part of my life.
I did not realize Canadians had so many words for snow :/ – I also use candy pretty regularly though.
Aww… This is truly evil. I was a fat kid, and would have been completely devastated if this had happened to me :(.
The typo in the first letter bugs me. I’d be inclined to correct it and send it back with information on where they can get “schooled”.
I have so many comments to make about this but will leave them as I don’t want to go off on a rant.
I think it would be even more evil to give the fat kids things like celery (which taste pretty evil anyway, especially without cream cheese or peanut butter) and give the skinny kids lollies. That way, the kids aren’t explicitly told they’re fat, but they’re left wondering “why did I get healthy junk while everyone else got lollies?” Then the realization sets in… Eventually, they’ll develop some serious mental health issues, and if they’re lucky, a healthy (or unhealthy) serving of bulimia and/or anorexia, and possibly some suicidal thoughts as well (because fat people apparently aren’t really people).
Disclaimer: I kid, I kid. As a formally fat kid and a currently chunky (I prefer “curvaceous” >_> ) adult, I would never do such a horrible thing to my fellow fatties. 🙁 They have enough to deal with as it is because, news flash, they know they’re fat. Also, abstaining from overindulgence over Halloween isn’t going to make any difference. Changes during every day life will help, not avoiding one yearly holiday.
If your aim is to stop trick-or-treating, give the kids things that will make the parents seriously reconsider ever doing it again – airhorns, packets of matches, cheap tins of spraypaint,…basically anything that can cause a surprising amount of harm to household objects.
What about energy drinks? Clearly the sugar in the lollies aren’t making them hypo enough to deter the parents from taking them trick or treating, so give ’em some energy drinks (and the other things you mentioned) and watch the carnage.