Achieve Your Goals By Keeping Them Quiet

@MostlyHarmless: It is a per person and a per-goal thing, like a lot of advice.

For example for finances, there's two valid, yet diametrically opposed schools of thoughts. One says NEVER use a credit card, because it's "tempting" for impulse purchases, and the money spent doesn't "Feel real". On the other hand is credit cards let you better track your expenses because at the end of the month you have an itemized list of expenses, and there's financial benefits: "float", reward points, etc.

I don't have a history of running up CC debt, and I'm vary careful with money so I go with the second school of thought.

I think the goals that really get achieved are the ones in which it doesn't matter if you do or do not tell anyone. These are the rare "true commits". In all the other cases, we blame the way we set up the goal (oh, drat, I told others...or, oh, drat, I didn't tell enough of others). I do this excuse making all the time.

When I have finally accomplished things, it is because some scary switch clicked over in my brain and I just had to do it, everything else be damned.

I completely agree with this and so do quite a few self-help / goal setting authors that I have read. Also, I agree with the comments on here about it depends on the type of goal though. I feel a good rule of thumb is how personal it is to you. Is this one of those types of goals that people will be quick to put down? Usually the "change your life" kind of goals, large financial goals, love interests, doing something big like becoming a great author or traveling the world lump in here. People are quick to dismiss your goals and give their opinions of why it won't work or how you are at risk, ESPECIALLY family and friends. Their concern for you may be well placed but can help bury that new born dream quickly. Some people want to tear you down to cause they are a bit jealous or just stating what limiting beliefs they've been spoon feed.

Safe guard those big goals until they are a bit mature or your off and running a bit.

marc_with_a_c

A few big companies could stand to live by this philosophy. I don't want to throw any of my puny stones at Google or MS or Apple... really I don't! but these corps ought to shut up more about their projects. I mean the announcements that are made primarily of hype and vapor.

The same goes for me. Almost everything I’ve said I was going to do, even to one friend, it turned out to be jinxing myself....... something I was going to write, some habit I was going to break. It relates to that saying about keeping quiet and having people think you’re a fool, as opposed to opening your mouth and removing all doubt.

I’ll make up a joke to a friend over the phone. They might say "you should write that down" "you should write something about that"...... but the wind is already gone from it and there’s no point after I say the punchline out loud.

paintbox

Is it the announcing of the plans that makes you less motivated or is it the negative feedback that then swirls in from naysayers that makes you less motivated? I think the trick is to find a way to ignore the negativity and then you can go announcing whatever you want. Otherwise you might be doing yourself a disservice by keeping things too under wraps and someone who might be able to help you with your quest might never even know to offer their help.

@phoenix: Actually, no, it is not ironic at all. I was saying that mostly in jest. I also wrote a reply to Adam Pash, which the software apparently ate.

A more honest analysis of the situation would be that like all things human, the topic of achieving goals is complex and nuanced with many facets to it.

You could essentially say two diametrically opposite things about something, and they would both be true.

And as Adam said, it is per goal, and per person. I am more of the "work away on it silently till you have substantial progress" kinds.

The flip side is that until you have actually finished something, your friends and family will think you are not motivated at all, or not trying to do anything to fix the situation, even though you started working on it way before they even came up with the idea.

'Nuff respect for the Zippy picture. That brings back memories from a childhood long ago in a country far, far away.

"Up above the streets and houses,
Rainbow shining high!"

The crazy thing is that character shown here, Zippy, was known for being way too talkative and was likely the one to be creating public humiliation in others. The article seems to be talking about accountability vs. ego boost. Telling some one about a weakness you have and asking them to keep you accountable is pretty much how I would describe stating your plans as a "dissatisfaction". Telling people what you have done so far seems like it is asking for a hi-five or back slapping rather than wanting assistance with achieving the end goal.

David Sandey

@MostlyHarmless: I don't think it's ironic at all - no one's telling you what you SHOULD do, just passing along ideas, right? :D Which do you prefer? I'm curious whether other people think they'd have a better shot at their goals by sharing them or keeping them secret.

This is interesting, and actually the inverse of an article I think I read here at LH a few years back: that if you really want to make sure you do something, the best way is to announce it to people who will hold you accountable if you don't get off your duff to do it.

They suggested things like making sure you get to the gym - even a casual mention on your blog will get your friends involved with you doing something good for yourself, and they'll remind you but likely not so often as to be a nag.

On the other hand, it's much easier to explain that some things just got in the way to yourself if you fall a little short than it is to announce a failure to everyone. Admittedly, some goals are safe to share ("I want to cook more instead of eat out as often") whereas others might be a bit more personal ("I want to save $XXXXX for my next vacation!") so maybe it has to do with the KIND of goal you're considering sharing.

Both ideas are compelling, and I suppose - as with most things - it really comes down to what you think will work best for you. ;)

Personally, it doesn't seem to matter whether I announce my goals or keep them quite. (although I have a tendency to be silent about them)

What's a bigger determination as to whether or not I achieve a goal is whether or not I write it down. It could be a blog post or a napkin, but i once it's written out, that's when thoughts start turning into actions for me.

I think it depends on the goal... and probably has quite a bit to do with personality as well. I started a 101 Things in 1,001 Days list 2 years ago and by blogging about it: http://www.poweredbytofu.com it has helped me stay on track with my goals -- and it's nice to have all my goals all grouped together so I can go back and look at all the things I've accomplished! :)

One of my friend made a bet with his dad for $100 that he wouldn't drink for the whole month of June... It worked and my friend succeeded and celebrated by having some drinks with us...


Turns out "Sorry man, i haven't drank in a long time" is a pretty horrible excuse for throwing up in my hallway... but making a bet with his dad seemed to at least keep him in check for that month.


I don't think he would have survived if he hadn't told us his "goal". We helped him out by not telling him about our parties and telling him that the money he wins from his dad could pay for a small parties worth the booze.


If he hadn't told us about his goal, we could have made it hell for him without realizing it.


Moral of the story, some goals are good to have your friends help you with... even if it is only for $100.

A friend of mine wrote me a check for $500 bucks and told me to cash it if he didn't lose 20 pounds in 3 months. He'd only lost 10 pounds with 2 weeks to go and he went crazy and got the other 10 pounds off. Money is a strong motivator.

EuniceAbderus

Agree completely about keeping mum on certain things. I don't want the shame of failure. A little support is great, but the whole village? Nah!

MarcoBlackbird

@MostlyHarmless: Well, like we said in the first sentence of the post, peer pressure and making things public can work, too. I think you're right, though, it's more of a per-goal thing--and maybe per-person thing, too.

I actually announced to a few people that I was going to finish a novel in the Nanowrimo last year. Oh, the shame.

Posts in the related section: "Motivate Yourself to Achieve Goals by Putting Them Online"

Rather ironic.

But its a thin line, and a per-goal-basis kind of a thing, and not just because it might compromise the goal.

Sometimes telling people what you intend to do just makes them think that you are a jerk who is just showing off without substance.

And there is the undeniable high of springing a surprise on your friends, family and enemies by silently working away on a goal and pulling it off when no one was betting on you to do it.

Paraphrasing Tina Fey at an awards ceremony: "To all the critics who said I did not have it in me: You call can suck it!"

Generally speaking, women do better at keeping New Years Resolutions if they tell friends, men do better if they keep them to themselves.

Of course, like all sex-related generalizations there are lots of exceptions. But this might go some way to explaining the conflicting studies/recommendations.

theczardictates

I recall a co-worker giving this same advice to my friend when she tried to quit smoking and failed. She reasoned that telling people outright increased the chances for failure and next time it would be better to just do it then tell everyone after the fact.

She also pointed out that if you fail, nobody knows but you.

Zippy!

I usually write about most of my projects in my blog. Sometimes people read it, sometimes not. I hardly ever get any comments or pingbacks so its more of a "note-to-self" blog. Works fairly well, I keep my work documented and never forget a project Ive started. So I guess I fall somewhere in between.

I tend to agree with the opposite of this article, that if you tell someone then you are more likely to do it. However, I think this article does make a good distinction between telling another person as a satisfaction versus a dissatisfaction.



About a year ago, I really wanted to talk to someone about something, but I was really nervous about it. I told a few of my close friends that I was going to do it on Tuesday at 9 a.m. I even told my one friend who practices amateur boxing to punch me in the face if I didn't do it. When the time came, I was nervous as hell, but I just thought about how disappointed everyone would be if I failed -- and how bad getting punched by my friend would hurt.



I suppose it really depends on your personality. I like to be successful and determined in the eyes of my friends and family, and so if I tell them I'm going to do something, I am very likely to do everything in my power to keep my promise.

chip19

I'm not sure I agree with phrasing things as a dissatisfaction. I think you need to express your intentions clearly but positively. If you talk dissatisfied I think that would just make you unconsciously more upset and more willing to find excuses not to meet your goal.

brownize

This tends to make sense, but for a completely different reason. Whenever I tell somebody my goals, they tell me how stupid they are and I end up never working on achieving them.